The Product & Actual Description

Satirical Product Description

Meet Your Kitchen’s New Enforcer: Mandarin Basil Dish Soap. It’s the the no-nonsense warrior ready to take on grease, grime, and whatever culinary disaster you tried to whip up last night.

1. Plant-Based Power: This isn’t just soap; it’s a plant-based juggernaut that dismantles stubborn baked-on food like it’s a conspiracy theory!

2. No Nasty Additives: Forget about harmful ingredients and synthetic fragrances that make you question your life choices. This soap is as pure as your desire to scroll TikTok for 9 and a half hours. It’s practically a tropical vacation for your dishes, minus the overpriced cocktails.

3. Greywater Friendly: Most people probably don;t know what reywater even means (I don’t). The point is, if you buy this you’ll feel like an eco-warrior while you wash! This dish soap is greywater friendly and biodegradable, because what if saving the planet was as easy as scrubbing a frying pan? You’ll be a culinary hero while knowing you’re not polluting the Earth with your pasta remnants.

4. Citrus & Basil Symphony: Juicy mandarin and basil essential oils work their magic. Your kitchen will smell so good, you might just invite guests over to witness the miracle of a clean plate.

5. Gentle Yet Ruthless: While this soap is ruthless on grime, it’s a gentle giant for your hands. This stuff won’t turn you into a monster, it’s practically pampering for your hands, so you can wash away the sins of your lackluster cooking.

What’s In It:

• Purified Water: The foundation of life itself.

• Coconut-Based Active Ingredients: You thought coconuts were just for piña coladas? Think again! These active agents are like tiny plant-based ninjas that leave your dishes cleaner than your last breakup.

• Citric Acid: This zesty powerhouse is basically a lemon’s angry cousin. It’s the acid that says, “Not today, grease!”, because no one invited you to this party.

• Sea Salt: Straight from the ocean, this scrubbing soldier is ready to fight off dirt and make your plates look so good they’ll start charging for photo ops.

  Mandarin Orange Essential Oil: The fresh scent of juicy mandarin, because if your kitchen is going to smell like anything, it might as well be a citrus explosion.

• Basil Essential Oil: The herb that dreams are made of.

What’s NOT In It:

• Fragrances: Because we’re not masking the stench of your cooking with fake scents.

• Dyes: No, your soap won’t look like it’s trying too hard at a rave.

• Synthetic Foaming Agents: We’re not in the business of creating bubble baths for your dishes and this isn’t a spa day.

• Unnatural Preservatives: Your food is safe; the soap should be too!

• Water Softening Agents & pH Adjusters: No hidden chemistry experiments here! We keep it straightforward.

• Buffering Agents: We’re not trying to balance anything but your greasy pans. Let’s keep it simple!

• Phthalates, Sodium Lauryl Sulfate, and Parabens: We say NO to toxic nonsense!

• Anything Derived from Formaldehyde: Because your kitchen isn’t a mortuary.

It’s All Good:
No Animal Testing because We believe in kindness, not cruelty. Vegan-friendly because we like saying the phrase “Flower Power”. Biodegradable because using that term in our Facebook ads lowers our CPM.